My blog post title is very misleading, I am no expert on the languages of love. When JJ and I first got married, we were given a book called the 5 Love Languages and I read it right away but didn't completely grasp it. GUYS. . . it's only taken almost two years of marriage to figure out my husband's love language and now that I have. . . its made a world of difference for our marriage.
The 5 love languages (again, not an expert; lets see if I can get all of these without using google):
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Physical Touch
3. Service
4. Gifts
5. um......... I don't remember. ** blaming it on pregnancy brain OH WELL NOT APPLICABLE, MOVING ON. . .
When we first got married, I thought for sure that JJ was all about that physical affection. I didn't take into account that we were newlyweds and he's a dude and so OF COURSE he's going to be super affectionate-- DUHHHH. I'm his new bride and he thinks I'm hot. . . yada yada. Well, what I didn't fully understand is that you can totally have more than one love language. And maybe they change back and forth. . . that's the tricky part.
My love language is definitely Words of Affirmation, I love when JJ tells me that he loves me and gets all sentimental during pillow talk. I love posting pictures of JJ and I on social media and pouring my heart out. I love telling him that he's the best husband in the world, and most often (besides the social media part--once in a blue moon does he post ANYTHING on social media) he reciprocates. JJ is my best friend, and he is an amazing husband in ways that I can't even begin to express but. . . he's not one to write me a letter/card, post about our love on social media, or buy me flowers just because. It was hard for me to accept at first, but eventually, I just told myself, "my husband isn't romantic--whatever, get over it." And guess what? I got over it.
Fast forward to literally three weeks ago. I don't know if it was divine intervention or my own humbling but I fell in love with my husband all over again. I started to see him in a new light. I realized that his love language was not necessarily solely physical touch but more service than anything. When he would fold the laundry or do the dishes, he would look to me for validation. . . almost to say, "Genny, look what I'm doing for you, I love you, and so I'm serving you." All of this hit me at once. Every time he gave me a foot rub, or cleaned the kitchen, or cooked me dinner. . . he was telling me how much he loved me. I got teary eyed thinking about all the times I had gotten feisty with him when he didn't get me flowers on my birthday, or "comment/like" my mushy post on Instagram (lol, wow I'm a drama queen). . . but how many times had I come home to a clean kitchen after a really hard day and barely even mumbled a "Thanks for cleaning the kitchen, JJ"??? All of the sudden, I felt horrible about myself as a spouse.
We had a grumpy morning, where I had pregnancy insomnia and slept horribly, he had become a sweaty furnace and then also taken most of the blanket and bed space and I said something rude (can I blame it on being half awake? I was practically sleep talking I PROMISE). He said, "Genny why are we fighting so much?" He then got up and went to his 7:30 AM workout and I was wide awake. That's when all of this hit me and I decided then and there that I was going to serve my husband and reciprocate his love language of service. I decided that no matter his reaction to these acts of service, I would continue forward. I would serve him twice a day, at least, no matter what. At first, some of his reactions were. . . . "Genny, you don't have to do that." Or, "Why are you acting so different?(with a smile on his face)" I made him a coupon book of love, plastered our door with compliments about him as a husband on post-it notes, served him dinner, offered massages, watched the shows HE wanted to watch, folded all his laundry, etc. Told him how proud I was of him multiple times.
And guess what? The romantic texts started coming in, the affection got stronger, he became super focused on his job, and he totally turned into a mush ball. But it didn't happen overnight. Slowly, he started to notice my patience and kindness was rubbing off on him and he was loving me stronger than ever; its like we are giddy newlyweds again.
Instead of setting myself up for disappointment on Valentine's Day, (I'm half kidding about being disappointed-- but again, not a flower or romantic guy--which is fiiiiiiiine) my favorite holiday, I decided that this year I would plan our date. I've never been so excited for Valentine's Day, ha ha. I planned my mushiness and he didn't have to deal with the pressure of not procrastinating our V-day plans and then facing the wrath of a pregnant hormonal wife.
Marriage can be challenging, it only works with compromise and being willing to forgive one another. I love my sweetheart, and I love how well we work together.
So, take this love challenge, and figure out your spouse's love language, more times than not, his differs from yours. Try to love him in the ways that he expresses his love for you. I never realized that putting the dishes away was a small way of JJ showing he loved me.
Happy month of love, y'all.
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