Dearest Sweetheart;

I've been thinking about you a lot today. It's one of those days where it's raining, and cold, and all I want to do is snuggle up next to you and watch the playoffs.

It's one of those days where I lay in bed tossing and turning, trying to remember your hugs.

 Its one of those days where I especially miss those over-used phrases you always would say, and the way you would light up when I walked into the room. Its one of those days where I miss you letting me give you the biggest hugs, those ones where you wouldn't let me go. I just miss you, J. I'm missing you in a way, where it actually hurts a little bit. Its one of those days where I miss the way that you simply just "get me", you know me better than I know myself and you still love me..

It's been seven months since you left on your mission. I still think about you every single day; whenever I have downtime, my mind turns to you. I am grateful that I have someone in my life that I miss as much as I miss you. I have attempted to "date", or at least go on dates...it's not going too well, J. They're just...not you. Its hard to even compare these guys to you, because there really is no comparison. Its funny how those small things you do, suddenly become big things that I remember--things that those other guys just don't have. Like, the way that you would tell me I looked beautiful a bajillion times and then say, "have I told you that you look beautiful tonight?" Or the way that you would kiss my forehead and tell me that you loved me; but, in a way where I actually believed you. Remember that one time we went out to dinner, and you saw a friend from high school? You introduced me to him as your wife. Its just those little things, those small memories, that have impacted me so greatly. We would always tell each other, "you're my best friend", but I never realized how true that was until after you left. There has been so many instances where I just want to call you and tell you something funny that happened that day..but instead I listen to the voicemails you would leave me while I was teaching preschool. "Hi Mrs. Hyde, I love you." Those little things...just make me love you so much.

My parents love you a lot. I'll never forget the last visit you made to my house before you left..I was here at school, but my mom called me after you said "see ya later" to my family. You told my parents how serious you were about me..& that you loved me "more than you could express", and if I was still here when you got home, you would take care of me forever. They knew..they knew since that first time you came over and you and had dinner with us..the way we looked at each other..they just knew how we felt for one another. I remember my dad putting his hand on your shoulder at the BSU game, and that look he gave you--the look he gives me when I've done something that makes him proud of me. Later that night, he came into my room & told me that you're the guy that he has pictured me with since I was a little girl, and he was proud of the choices we were making. My mom never ceases to bring you up in conversation, she called me yesterday to tell me about the letter she sent you; she's taking her "watching out for you, and not letting any guys take your place" comment seriously. :)

Whenever I find myself feeling lazy with my studies, you honestly keep me motivated. Your face pops into my head..all those times you told me that you were proud of me, and that I was smart, and an example to you. I listened, and you were sincere when you said those things to me..I loved the way that you were genuinely interested in how my preschool lesson went..you always told me that I can achieve anything I set my mind to.

I've never loved the way that I love you.

I love the way you put me in my place when I'm being feisty.
I love the way you have such a big heart, you would do anything for your family.
I love the way your hands tremble when you get nervous.
I love how patient you are with me; even that one time when I drove your truck home, my first time driving stick shift.
I love how you got up and bore your testimony in singles ward, and I saw the light of Christ in your eyes.
I love the way you love your mom and always talk about how amazing she is.
I love how you always tell me you love me, and you meant it.
I love how you trust our relationship, and allow me "to have wings to fly".
I love how you plan our dates, and get so excited about it.
I love how you kiss my forehead, and let me fall asleep on you.
I love how you screamed like a little girl when my mom scared us on the four-wheelers. LOL!
I love how much you love your sisters.
I love the way you hold my hand, and kiss it whenever you get the chance.
I love how you eat like a horse! :)
I love the way you treat my family, and you're so real with them.
I love the way you would hold me and tell me you love me, even in front of my family.
I love that you're worthily serving a mission, and how you were always respectful to me.
I love how you let me be sensitive, and know when to stop teasing me and when its okay.
I love how you know what embarrasses me.
I love how you show me off, and think that I am something great--when its actually you that is the amazing one.
I love how you send me flowers, or surprise me with little things.


I love you J. I look forward to the day that you get home..but, I don't worry that things wont work out. I know that what we have felt over this past year--and even before that...isn't fake or small. We just work. I'm following your advice by not counting the days but making the days count. These are the things I would say to you if you were here, but I LOVE how focused we both are--your mission is first priority right now..not the "miss you's" or reminiscing from the girlfriend..there will be plenty of time for that later..:) Maybe someday you'll even read this post..

It's worth it, you're worth it. See you soon, sweetheart. Until then, I'll carry your love with me<3

Take off eight of those.
(he made one extra for me to read that night)