Dear Heart, Why Him?

The title I chose for this particular post is meant in the nicest way possible. I love the "him" very much. Let me explain the situation and then maybe the title will make better sense. If you don't like the "mushy, gooey" stuff then feel free to skip over this post--I don't mind :) but for those who would like to know what exactly is happening in my "soap opera" (as some have literally compared my life to), then read on.

Jared Jordan Hyde. We met each other three years ago and we both don't even remember seeing one other. My basketball team had just won districts and we decided to go to our favorite spot, "Applebees", to celebrate. All of us girls were hyper and stoked about winning districts and then playing in the State tournament that would shortly follow. As we were all ordering our drinks we noticed another basketball team walk in through the door. The Vallivue varsity BOYS basketball team. Vallivue was known for having very good-looking athletes, so--more confident than normal--we all decided to write our names and numbers down on a napkin and have our waitress deliver it to the boys' table who were sitting behind the wall from us. Soon after the napkin was delivered, the boys made their way over to us in their Vallivue warm-ups, they asked us our names and paired faces to the numbers. I got a few texts that night, but nothing from JJ. The only thing that I had heard about JJ was that he was a "very hot football and basketball player, and really good at sports." One of the girls on my team talked about him often, just as we all talked about the cute athletic boys pre-games and practices. This would be the end of a pointless story, but wait..almost two years later (August 2010), I get a random text message from a boy saying, "Hey, is this Gen from the Middleton Girls Basketball Team? I think I met you at Applebees". He introduced himself as Jared, and we started texting and talking on the phone every day. He was in Utah playing football at the U, and I was gearing up to anxiously see what BYUI had to offer me--I was leaving for college in three weeks and could not be any more excited. JJ came home to visit his family and we went on a date to the park and ate ice cream. I still remember driving over to his house and giving him a hug for the first time, he was decked out in Utah gear and apologized a bazillion times about the messy car. He teases me now but he said that he remembers me being all "googly" over him, welp--I never admitted it until now, but I was. He was not only handsome but also super funny and smart, I could talk to him with ease which is hard for me to do at first. He smiled and laughed, oh goll--his laugh. It really was contagious. It truly was the perfect first date.
After that, we tried to see each other as often as we could. I would drive up to Utah from Rexburg, and he would drive to Rexburg whenever he could. Every time we saw each other, I fell for him more and more..but the relationship could never be. His ex-girlfriend was still in the picture, and I was still writing a missionary who I had been in a relationship with for a very long time and obviously still had strong feelings for. The two conflicting factors tore us apart completely, and in the end the ex-girlfriend was chosen and I continued to write my missionary. We broke up in the beginning of October--and not on good terms. I had obviously been heartbroken due to not being the first choice but in the end, he had been the second for me as well. And, I don't blame his ex-girlfriend for wanting him back...what's not to love? I'm sure she is a really sweet girl, and will always be JJ's high school sweetheart, just like "My missionary" was my first love..but, not my only love--obviously..what I'm trying to say, is that they are both great people and I would never talk badly about either of them. Okay, lets move on..
We completely broke off ties and I vowed to never speak to Jared Jordan Hyde again. It took me three months, three hard months, to finally "erase" him from my life...Technologically that is. Number=deleted. Facebook=blocked. Then, fate brought us back together once more. Cheesy? Completely..but I love it. In March 2011, my friends and I decided to go eat at Wingers after a singles ward activity. Who do you think was working there? JJ of course... Right as we sat down in our booth, I saw him walk past me and my heart felt like it was being squeezed like a sponge--that was seriously the feeling! And if I would've had to have gotten up, I would've fallen. Even sitting down, my knees were shaking. He stopped and walked back and said, "Gen!!! how are you?" and the words flowed easily out of my mouth, although I don't remember the exact conversation. After that, we started talking as friends and a couple of weeks later, he broke up with his girlfriend and I broke up with a guy that I was kind of seeing from Colorado--all in the same week. We stayed strictly friends, nothing more, and I went back to school three weeks later. We didn't talk for a long time, both of us just living our lives and being busy. One night, in the last week of June, I text JJ and said, "I was reading Utah Bride and I saw that James Egan performed at a wedding reception. That's so cool! How are you doing?" Just as I pushed send, I got a text that said, "Gen :) So good to hear from you" Seemed like I had been on his mind as well... We started texting quite a bit and skyped a few times but my heart wasn't in it. I had fought for so long to get "over him" and finally I felt like I really was. Also, "the missionary" was returning in five short months. JJ and I talked about everything; how his brother Regge had played such an important role in his life and how he had really grown to have a strong testimony of the gospel, how he was selling alarms in New Mexico, and that he had just received his mission call to Peru--along with many other things. Finally, we both expressed that the feelings we felt for each other almost a year ago to the day, were still there.

 JJ tried everything to make me trust him again; He'd call me, and I'd ignore him. He'd text me, and I wouldn't respond for hours sometimes even days. He sent me flowers, I gave him attention for maybe two days and then nothing. I was ruthless--but I wasn't going to be swooped up as easy this time. JJ continued to be persistent, as my mom referred to him as "A man on a mission"--and he was: His mission was to steal my heart. I would send him pages after pages of text messages basically telling him that I loved "my missionary" and that I wanted JJ to leave me alone and we would never work out. He refers to those times as me "blowing up his phone" :), but JJ wouldn't back down--and now, I am so happy that he didn't. Finally, he was sick of it--he said, "You're only going to believe that I really care for you by my actions not just by my words. I know I broke your heart, and I'm going to prove it to you that I do care for you so much and I can treat you right, I am coming home as soon as I can get done selling." All I said was, "okay", and then goodbye. I sobbed on my pillow like a drama queen. What was I going to do? Next thing I know, JJ was telling me he had one more sell to make and then he was on the next plane home. I was feeling so many emotions; fear, anxiety, excitement, sad, happy--you name it. I spent three hours getting ready that day--I curled my hair and wore the "perfect" outfit. And, right on time, JJ picked me up. When I saw him, I gave him a hug and he wouldn't let go--I remembered those hugs, and I let him hold me because I had missed them more than I thought I had. That night, I played it cool--I acted tough but after I got home that night I knew that I was in a "beautiful mess". JJ and I became connected at the hip, spending every day together. He never put any pressure on me to drop "my missionary", he was patient with my emotional roller coaster, and said/did all the right things. Finally, one night--I'll never forget..I was leaving his house and it took us an hour and a half to say goodnight. Note that I said "SAY" not "KISS"..we talked about everything(there was some kissing too of course ;)). I let him have it--every small little emotion I had felt in the last year came sailing out of me, I wasn't going to let him forget how he had broken my heart. There were tears, there was laughter, there was confessions and questions--all of this happening right in front of the garage. Finally, we were on good terms and I knew that I loved him, not just like, but loved--more than I ever even thought I did a year ago. I learned so many new things about him that made me adore him more. So, as I was getting into my car--I gave him the usual hug and kiss goodbye. I remember standing at my door and reaching over to place my phone in the cup holder and my purse on the passenger's seat. When all of a sudden, he took me by the arms and looked down at me with his dark eyes...I could tell that he was extremely nervous, because his hands started rubbing my arms--it was summer, it wasn't cold whatsoever. I said, "what's wrong?" Tears filled his eyes and he said, "I love you Genny." I was stunned. All these things I had been feeling for so long, but was too afraid to say... I was on cloud nine. I kissed him, and then pulled away and ran my fingers through his hair and said, "I love you too. I always have, and I always will."(our favorite saying now). It suddenly hit me, that all the months we had been apart, I had still thought about him and wondered how he was doing--and the feelings never faded, I just tried to hide them because in my mind, I thought that JJ and I would never work out. But now, looking back, I wouldn't change a single thing about our journey. The break up which occurred, was much needed. I met some of my very best friends throughout the weeks following that and got a calling in my ward because I was now at school every weekend, and JJ was able to figure out who he was and prepare for a mission. "Having faith in the Lord, also means having Faith in his timing." In the end, I broke off ties with "the missionary", and made many memories with JJ. Our dates were the best, and sometimes we would laugh so hard we couldn't breathe. We made "long distance" work when I went back to Rexburg, and I was/am the happiest I have ever been in my entire life.

People think that I am out of my mind to be waiting for "missionary #2", especially since they only overlap two months. But, I look at it as an adventure. Also, the plus side, is I'm used to the lifestyle of missing someone--if that makes sense..and things are different this time around--I'm not "waiting"..I'm going with the wind and seeing where it takes me. JJ left on his mission with no promises and it makes things so much easier; he expects me to date and live my life--we decided that "fate" will find us again, if it is meant to be :) Some may think I am stupid for taking this on--but they don't know him like I do, they don't know our story, and they don't know the way he loves me. No one will fully understand the situation like he and I do, but that's okay--he's worth it, so worth it.I am so happy that he didn't give up on me, and that we were able to come back together. And I thank him every single day for allowing me to have these next two years to grow up and take on some pretty exciting "adventures" in my life. He loves me, a lot--I am one lucky girl, and I'm not going to pass this up. Anyway, that's the story in a nut shell. I know "why him" :) and he knows "why him" but to some, it may seem strange. Why would I want to do this to my heart again? Well, let me ask you this--what would YOU do for the one you love and want to spend forever with? I'm sure you would do the same thing, even if the timing is off and you find yourself caught in a "beautiful mess"--it's worth it..
Hair Salon Gossip worthy? I think yes.

I love your love the most

Its hard to forget someone who has given you so much to remember :)

Home is wherever I am with you

I've been looking for you since the day I heard my first fairytale :)