Nothing worth having comes easy

So, some interesting series of events have happened recently.
I feel like I need to share--not so much to vent about my life, more because this is practically my journal..and I like remembering the great and not so great experiences that have happened/are going to happen over this two year span. Lucky for you, you get a little insight into the brain of...me. I don't know if that's good news for you, or bad news..but we're about to find out.*deeply inhales, loud exhale* HERE WE GO.

Now, I know that I have a few fellow MG followers on my blog. Those who aren't familiar with the term "MG"..it means "missionary girlfriend", there is this amazing group on facebook where us girls (over a thousand of us to be exact!) can lean on one another for support during these two years. We post pictures of our men( as many times as we want, and its private so we don't annoy non MG's--perfect eh?), relay stories, share package and letter ideas, ask questions, but most importantly we are a sisterhood, and we just "get each other"...there is only so much you can sob to your roommates and parents about, am I right? Well, these chicas never get annoyed--in fact, its almost therapeutic to be able to assist fellow MG's find the light at the end of the tunnel; we're weird like that. We have a documented countdown, I'm #292, and secretly..I know we are all thinking Hey, at least I'm not at month 1..but we don't rub it in. We take the sisterly route and say, "it flies by. it goes by so fast. you'll be where I'm at in no time." The weird thing though, is that it's true. Half the time, I feel as though I've been in a coma for the last months. Where has the time gone? Its almost freakishly scary. Anyway, to my missionary girlfriends--specifically Desiree, Lauren, Cat, Camilla, Taelor, KAITLIN, and Bri. (I feel like I'm leaving someone out), I sure do love you girls. You make this process a million times easier. and this post is not a discouraging one..each "wait" is different, and I realize that. Keep holding on. Nothing worth having comes easy.

I've been thinking about that statement a lot this week: Nothing worth having comes easy. What does that mean? Well, I'd be lying if I said this whole thing was an easy task. Its really not. I go to BYU-Idaho..also known as BYU-IDO, and with great reasoning. It is just one big pool full of RM's looking for their eternal spouses--which is a lovely thing, don't get me wrong..but it's also can be pretty bothersome and rather lonely. You tend to get sucked into this pool well because the water is refreshing--its summer time, and there is nothing better than swimming in a big cold pool with the sun shining down on your face. Correct?
Its not like I am opposed to going on dates, I like dates to be honest. It's nice to get dressed up, receive a little attention, and a free dinner...(especially if you're a poor college student like me!). But, as of late, I tested out that water--er, should I say..I lingered in the water. It felt nice, it felt...relaxing. comfortable. all the cool kids were doing it. but then hypothermia set in, and that's where I'm sitting right now.

five or six dates. with the same guy. = trouble. Trouble is an understatement.
For an MG, that is unheard of. and rather dangerous.
Needless to say, I got out of that pool as fast as possible. Its funny to me how things can start out so innocent. I invited him to JJ's six month mark party that I threw at my apartment for crying out loud! He took me to a Utah Jazz game (This guy is good, everyone knows basketball is the way to my heart!)..then he started hanging around more. & inviting me to go hang out..we went to a Luke Bryan concert with a bunch of friends (yeah, another way to my heart! gosh!)
But this whole time, in my eyes..it was nothing more than friends. Its like I can't get myself to be attracted to anyone other than JJ--in all aspects. I feel kind of bad, because with every letter or e-mail I would squeal my excitement to him..and he just sat there, I never saw a single sign of hurt or sadness.

Well last night, he told me that he wanted to date me.
um, excuse me. come again, what? It was hard because I do care for this guy but he's not JJ.
He asked me what I thought..told me to be honest.. and I told him that my heart was in Peru. I told him that JJ made me happier than anyone else has. He was hurt but...
THIS IS THE BIGGEST DECISION OF MY LIFE. DO you realize you spend eternity with your spouse?
This isn't some big "pool party" (Like how I keep using that analogy? Just accept it.)..its forever.
I came home last night, and read my scriptures..I prayed to Heavenly Father asking him to let me know if was I was doing was right...I told him how I felt about JJ and to stop me if this was the wrong path to be going down.

Guess what I woke up to this morning? A missed call from my mom. I called her back and she said she had checked the mail (from yesterday) and there was a letter to her from J. She threatened me that if I didn't marry him I would be cut off from the family...haha, love that woman! Then, I check my facebook and there were friend requests from two young girls in JJ's ward in Trujillo! Then, I received my own letter from J, and boy...was it well needed. It brought comfort to my heart. I know I have a long ways to go still BUT...

Nothing worth having comes easy.

its worth it. life is good. i'm happy.
^^^that's all that matters, right? RIGHT.