Remember that one time, over a year ago, when those boys kept flirting with me, and one of them even tried to kiss me? I felt guilty about it, even though it wasn't my fault... so I told you, and you said you were going to talk to them--and you got super protective?

One of the many reasons why I love you, Jared Jordan. I miss those protective arms of yours holding me tight, and I miss the way you would get so heated when anyone would hurt me or embarrass me. Sometimes, I just want to be held by you...and feel those forehead kisses and tight squeezes, my head nestled against your chest--hearing your heartbeat race. Sometimes, I want to lock my keys in my car again--just so we can sit in Little Caeser's and laugh for 20 minutes until the locksmith gets there, and then place blame on one another about whose fault it was for locking the car. Sometimes, I want to take a walk up to the temple with you in your XL Utah hoodie, clinging onto each other and kissing while we're walking. Sometimes, I want to re-live that time where you took me to Olive Garden and it took us forever to order because all we could do is look at each other across the table. Sometimes, I like to think about the night you sent me a picture of my door; you drove five hours to spend time with me, even if it was just for a couple days. Sometimes, I wish I could hear your voice--hear you say, "that's no problem" or "I love you"...to hear that laugh of yours that reeled me in on our first date. Sometimes, I would give anything just to beat you at that basketball game again--and for you to get overly-competitive and call me a "jersey chaser" and then me pretend to be slightly mad at you. Sometimes, I think about when we went 4-wheeling with my family--and it felt so natural, I felt at home, I felt eternity.

Sometimes=always

you still take my breath away.
you are still my heartthrob.
my one and only best friend.
my light.
my happiness.
my future.
my forever and always.

I will never stop loving you, and I thank the Lord every single day that He caused our paths to cross, and reunited us again when the timing was right.

You will never realize how much you mean to me.
iloveyou.



I am so in love.
head over heels.
never felt this way before.
my heart is full.
I can't get my mind off of him.



that is all.

I've been waiting to post this for..well, a year now. go figure!

Its here, y'all.
one.
year.
down.

This year has had its ups and downs.

there have been days where I felt this was all for nothing.

but most of all, there have been days that I knew and continue to know that this is worth it. 

In 52 weeks, I have received 52 letters.

I am head over heels in love. even more in love with him than I was when he left. 

with each letter, I only get to know my best friend more and more. 

365 days down.

October 25, 2011

"Well Genny Lynn Gustin..because of you I am the happiest man in the world. I am happier than I ever have been. Thinking about you is my favorite thing to do. How i got so lucky to have you fall in love with me, I do not know. you are my perfect catch. my perfect match. I bet in the pre-existence I looked at you and said to my friends, "I'm going to marry that girl when we get to earth." I love you so much. I feel like I've loved you my whole life! And it gets stronger and better each day. The way you love me is perfect and I couldn't ask or imagine anything better! How do you do it?! How do you know just what to do? I'm madly in love with you and I want the whole world to know it. Heavenly Father knows it and I am not gonna let you go. I wont allow anything to come between us. you are my life and my heart. I never want to live without you, you are truly an angel. I love you with all that I am worth. For eternity."

He is my prince charming.

He knows me better than I know myself.

He makes me a better me.

I look forward to the day he returns.

Until then, just gotta keep pushing forward. . . . .

365 days gone. love is still strong.

I am so amazed at how fast this day has come. I remember day 1 like it was yesterday. And now here I am 12 months later...

the things you are willing to do for love.

this boy has my heart. 

Q&A/Advice post.

So, recently I had some girls come to me for advice.
they asked me some good questions.
I know that there are a lot of girls waiting for missionaries that occasionally look up my blog.
SO..I thought I would share some of the questions and my answers.
Who knows..maybe it will help someone else, or maybe you will all laugh in my face and say,
"Wow this girl is a LOSER." Either way, I still like you ;)

What did you do when your first missionary came home? Did you still have feelings for him?

I dated this guy for two years before he left on his mission. We were best friends in high school. I wrote him quite frequently for about a year and three months. I would be lying if I said I wasn't anxious to see him. The night that he was flying in from SLC, I was babysitting for JJ's sister. I passed the airport on my way home, and saw a flight landing..that I'm pretty sure was his. I imagined his family and friends all waiting for him to get off the plane and how I was supposed to be there. My stomach got all twisted up and I felt kind of sick on the way home..I cried a little bit, and reflected on some of our past memories. I knew I had to see him again to know if JJ was the right one for me, or if I was still in love with missionary #1..So, even though I thought "#1" hated me, I received a text message from his brother's phone at 2 AM..two days after he got home..he asked if we could meet up. He came over and we talked, but not about anything about us. He was still way awkward. Long story short, I didn't KNOW the first time that I saw him..I had to be with him multiple times to know where my heart was. I knew that, now more than ever, I needed to stay close to the Spirit. So I prayed and prayed..The Lord didn't give me a thing! Until one night after I saw "#1", I was driving and a strong thought came to my mind, "Genny. You already know the answer..." "#1" was crushed when I told him how I felt about JJ..because he felt like he had a chance with me. It was hard for me because it was closing a huge chapter in my life--I was really freeing myself from him, and we were going down different paths. Do I regret it? HECK NO. Do I think I made the right choice? Nope. I KNOW I made the right choice. So, there's the short version of my crazy story.

My advice is simply this. If you find yourself in a situation similar to mine...follow your heart. Every time that I hung out with "#1", I compared him to JJ--I was always disappointed after I would see "#1" because I was like jj would never have acted like that..I was stuck in this cliche "I-want-this-happily-ever-after-high-school-sweethearts-together-for-years" love story..but, that didn't happen for me. I've made my own love story..I was trying to get "#1" to be my prince charming, when really..I wasn't his princess. So, if you're confused where your heart lies "look to where your mind wanders"..it was always JJ that I wanted. If they had been side by side, I would've ran to JJ's arms. & you know what, that's not what I wanted it to come down to. So I ended it when I did with "#1" and I felt a huge boulder lifted from my shoulders. Heavenly Father really knows what he is doing. Want to make Him laugh? try and make a plan. But seriously. If you don't wait for your missionary...its not the end of the world--I promise you! Not every girl who has a missionary magically transforms into Hailey Haugen or Cinderella--this is real life; keep that in mind, if you don't wait--its obviously because you have found someone better fitting for you. JJ came back into my life four months before "#1" came home--what if I would have fought against those feelings I had for him? I would've lost the best thing in my life...

Do you date?

Yes. I do. I date..a lot. I go on group dates, single dates. I'm too social to not. I like the attention way too much... to not. Let's be honest, who doesn't like getting dressed up, being told you're pretty, and getting a free dinner once in a while? For me, it makes time go by faster. The key thing is: Be honest with your feelings, and don't lead the poor guys on. That was my bad sometimes...when JJ first left, I kind of kept him a secret almost. I HATED when guys would find out, or I would casually bring it up and they would be like, "How long has he been out?" I'd be like..."four months" and what do you think they would say? "Oh you'll be married by the time he gets home." Just stupid stuff like that. Now, I usually bring it up on the first date..if a good opportunity arises..some cons to dating:
1. a lot of lonely nights when your roommates have boyfriends and all you have is ben & jerry
2. angry guys when you turn them down because of your missionary and they retaliate with stupid comments and suggestions about how to go about your love life.
3. guys who say they're better than your missionary. yea, they don't know him. dont worry about it.
4. confused emotions/feelings...
5. eh..that's all I can think of right now
Pros:
1. time goes by faster
2. you're living up these two years by growing and having fun experiences
3. you wont be anti-social when your boy comes home, you'll still know how to go on dates because lets be honest, after two years--the boy is gonna be EXTREMELY awkward at first.
4. you make new friends
5. free dinner

Now, I know that dating isn't for everyone. BUT, again..my blog. my advice. I would say to go on dates. I would say to flirt with other guys. I would say to get prettied up from time to time. Just do it. You wont get these years back. AND I can guarantee, its not going to change the way your missionary feels about you..they want you to be having fun and making new friends. If they were in your shoes, I can almost guarantee they would date around. Its natural. Trust me, you're okay.

Should you tell your missionary if you hold hands, cuddle, or kiss another guy?
HEAVENS NO! They've got enough things to worry about. Keep that stuff to yourself. They're busy baptizing people and reading their scriptures. If you feel like its something that needs to be brought up, wait until he gets home...even then, its not going to matter, he'll just be THRILLED you're available after two years instead of married and pregnant (unless your boyfriend hasn't learned anything whatsoever on his mission/is controlling..in that case, RUN!). You're here, he's there. Unless you're one of the few that is engaged to your missionary...hmmm, I don't even know what kind of advice to give those who are...just good luck I guess??

Are you going to go on a mission now that the age has changed?
As of right now, no. I'm not going to go on a mission just because JJ is on one and it will make the time go by faster. It is a serious decision. One that I feel many MG's are taking a little too lightly. Do it for the right reasons. Go on a mission for the Lord and for your spiritual growth. Pray about it. Fast about it.



Take it or leave it. :)

Fall Memories ;)

A year ago, this weekend, JJ and I met in Pocatello and drove to SLC to spend the weekend with his family and friends. I will never forget the look on his face when I met him in the parking lot in Pocatello. I ran up to him and gave him a huge hug, and he wrapped his arms around me and held me tight(just like he always did ;)) as  I leaned back to look at him, there was something different about him.

The boy was glowing.
I distinctly remember thinking, "He looks so happy!"

That was the day JJ went through the temple. :)

I kept feeling his shoulders and saying, "That's not an undershirt anymore!!" He would just laugh because I kept commenting about it and how much I loved it.
I had never seen J like that before.

He told me how much he loved it, and how cool it was for his family to be there with him and his brother--& how he had never experienced such strong emotions before. Like, I said--he was G L O W I N G.

We talked the whole way to Salt Lake. That's something about JJ that I love. He's a talker. We can talk for hours without silence.

The weekend was flawless. We got to SLC that night and met up with some of his friends. Both of them played football with him at the U, both of them were married..it was fun to get their perspective about the whole "waiting thing"..one of his friends said, "hey if my wife could do it, you can!" hahaha..she was like, "Just keep yourself super busy. all the time." When they were giving the advice, I'm not going to lie, I felt a part of my heart was breaking..because it was all of a sudden becoming so surreal. JJ was leaving in two weeks. No more meeting up in Pocatello, visiting him at home, him coming to see me at school. . . .he was gone in fourteen short days. As I was thinking about all those thoughts, I looked at him..and just put my arms around him and hugged him tight...I know he knew what was going through my mind because he kissed my forehead and whispered in my ear, "I love you so much Genny."

That night, we went to a haunted house and we laughed more than we were scared. haha! I bulldozed over JJ a few times and he would say, "gen where are you going?!?!" haha..that's what I do when I'm scared; start running and bulldoze over anything in my way. After the haunted house, we got hot chocolate and then decided we were really tired so we went back to his aunt's house and called it a night.

The next morning, we woke up and had breakfast with his parents and then went to the store to get something. We were laughing the whole time at the store. After that, JJ had to pick something up in SLC at Deseret Book so we went there and then to temple square ;) It was so nice to walk around the temple with my boyfriend, hand-in-hand, so in love..I'll never foret that. After that, we went to a Utes game and ended up leaving early to get me back to school.

Its little memories like this that make me grateful for this journey. for JJ.
The wait is almost half way over, and we're still as much in love as we were before he left.
Its been fifty weeks now, and I'm proud to say that I have received 50 letters.
Some have been short, some long. Some come in packs of 2 or 3 when he doesn't have time to send them weekly..but, I know that I am so blessed that my sweetheart takes the time out of his busy week to tell me all about his mission and to let me know how much he loves me.

one step closer.