HAD TO GET IT!!!

Sometimes...I'm not so tough.

This isn't easy. Yet, its not the hardest thing I've ever gone through either.
I'm positive. I'm strong. 90% of the time.
I'm positive to my friends. I'm positive to my family. I'm especially positive to JJ. But sometimes, I'm not so tough. and I'm not so strong.

Six of my friends got engaged last semester. I have a collage of wedding announcements. Of course I feel a little bit jealous, why wouldn't I? But today, I read something that really helped me look at the whole picture..
"Its not your turn. Its not your time."
I write him every week, and tell him about my life. I tell him I'm happy and busy. I add scriptures and pictures.
I miss him more than I can express, but I don't tell him. I run to the mailbox every day, without fail. Usually the mailbox is empty of Elder Hyde letters...but when one comes, I SCREAM..without fail, sprint into the house..and immediately open it. I read it as fast as I can, and then regret it soon after...without fail. I re-read it over and over again until the next letter comes.

My parents and family constantly remind me, "two years goes by so fast." "You're only twenty. Live life for you. Just take these two years to really grow and do what you want." Uh, okay..thanks. Two years goes by fast...FOR YOU..for me, it feels like it really does take forever.(I'm being a drama queen right now.) and live life for me? I'm busting my buns off in college(doing what I LOVE..). 18 credits next semester..social life? nope.(I don't even want to date. So, what am I missing out on?)

Here's the thing folks. I have friends who have missionaries. Some of them date and have other boyfriends while they're "true love" is off on their mission, some are engaged (um, WHAT the heck..), some don't date, some go and teach English in foreign countries, some go study abroad in Europe, some go to BYU-Hawaii for a semester, some go to hair school.

What do I get to do? I'm talking to academic advisers figuring out plans on how I can get done with school and have my degree as soon as possible. Do you know what that means? hours and hours of class work. 18+ credits per semester. Alright, fine. I can do it. Luckily, I have enough of my mother in me to do this. (no offense, dad.) And to be fair, I will be thankful I did this in the long run..but, its no easy task.

This keeps me very busy, yes. But...I still miss HIM. Letters help, oh boy do they help! I don't know what I would do if I couldn't communicate with him via letters. He is an obedient missionary, so we don't email. As weird as this sounds, I'm THANKFUL for this. I love getting the family e-mail every week. And I think that if he was emailing me, that would be a distraction to both of us--besides, it makes letters so much better.

Pet Peeves:
Waiter-haters. (I don't have the best track record with "waiting". So obviously "Haters gon hate" Watch me prove you wrong. Just watch. :) )
Girls who complain about being away from their boyfriend for the weekend. OH PLEASE.
Boys who ask me out on dates. Look at my facebook. I'm not interested in you. Don't ask me out. Especially in front of my ward. at an fhe activity.

Let me explain #3.
I got asked out on a date. My first SINGLE date since JJ has been gone.
How did this kid ask me? Well, in front of EVERYONE is what. We were all at FHE at my singles' ward..when out of the blue, in front of his mom and dad(who is in the bishopric) and 86% of our ward.."Genny, what do you have going on Wednesday night?" (I panicked. I'm a horrible liar.) "oh..well, nothing." "Well, now you do. I would like to take you out on a date." (All eyes on me. my face turns bright red. I was stunned. I thought to myself, seriously?) Then, he asks for my number. I honestly considered lying and giving him a fake number. Oh, there's his dad. Giving me the face. The face that says, "Please give my son a chance." The-We're- sick -of -him- leaving- all- his- crap- around- the- house-and- living- in- our- basement. He- needs- to- find- a -wife-..he's- been -off- of- his- mission- an -entire- MONTH-..kind of face. I politely accepted his invitation, but inside I was screaming NO NO NO NO NO!!

Wednesday rolled around, and I remembered that my favorite PIYO class was that night. I text the boy and told him that something came up and I couldn't go out. I thought that might scare him away..but then he said he could do Thursday night so we rescheduled. I said, "are you sure you want to take me out? Is there someone else you would rather take?" He replied (immediately, by the way), "I'm not trying to make a move on you. Its not that kind of date. I just want a friend. I know you have a boyfriend, just dont go falling in love with me." (ugh, why did you ask me out then? and falling in love? stop.) "haha, okay good. Glad you know that I have a boyfriend, and that you and I can be friends! I like having friends (that was weird to say..), haha and don't you worry about that--I'm already in love and extremely set on a certain guy ;)"

The date was fun. It was actually really fun. We went to Tucanos. And I acted like I was extremely happy to be there. I laughed at his jokes. I asked him questions. We talked. But when dinner was over, I was relieved to finally be going home. But nope, he wanted to do something crazy fun. Ugh. We went to Wal-mart and bought kites and glow sticks. We went and flew the kites with the glow stick solution allll over them, in a field behind his house. It was fun, really fun. But when I was in my house, I was relived. Now that I think about it, I didn't even give him a hug goodbye ha! and there wont be a second date...but that's okay! That is more than okay. And, I don't think he expected a second date. But in the car, I told him that this was the first single and also first official date I had been on since JJ left...and he said, "I figured that. I think most guys are very intimidated by you. Its all about the way you act. Guys can tell you have a boyfriend."
:)

Anyway, I'm sorry I've been so whiny. Its time to close this post. Its already a little bit too long. I think the date just made me really miss him. Tonight was hard. When I got home...I got "JJ-sick" (as I call it.) I re-read his letters, listened to the voicemails I have saved, and looked at pictures of us. I almost felt guilty for going on a date, even though I know I shouldn't.. but, I just wish that date could've been with him, you know?
20 more months.
I can do this.
I can do this.
I can do this.
I WILL DO THIS..

Elder Hyde's excellent envelope decor

I'm still winning though :)

I love you Jared Jordan. I'm having fun, I promise. Sometimes I miss the HECK out of you, but I'm being strong. I know this is worth it. Don't go changing your mind about me. Remember our summer together. Remember why we love each other. And remember the time we prayed together before I went off to school... Don't forget about me. Don't ever question my love for you. "Game time." :) You are the best, in so many way..

P.S. I'm transferring to BSU next January or possibly even this September. I've been praying about it..and this feels right. Hey, there's something exciting..:)   
                                                                

Worth the wait.

On Valentine's Day, I have so many people to be thankful for. There are many who are dear to my heart whom I love, and love me in return. This holiday is devoted to the act of love. So, throughout the day, I took time to reflect on that exact thing: LOVE. 

When I was a little girl, my dad would tuck me in every night. I would wait around before dinner, so excited for him to come home from work each evening. I was a daddy's girl and my daddy was my everything. (I have been blessed with an amazing mother as well.) Each night, without fail, my dad would have me make a promise that went something like this. "Daddy, I promise to go to college..serve a mission if I want to, and marry my husband in the Boise, Idaho temple. And never move away from you and mommy." My dad still reminds of the promise I made him years ago. 

When I think about those night when my father tucked me into bed..I also think about my Heavenly Father and the promises that I have made with Him. As a Daughter of God, I have made sacred covenants with my Father in Heaven to follow His commandments and follow Christ. Valentine's Day is devoted to love, and our Savior showed the greatest example of love through Charity. Charity is "everlasting love" (Moroni 7:47; 8:17). The Savior wants all of his brothers and sisters to not only receive HIS love but to also share it with others. He declared to his disciples, "A new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye love one another." (John 13:34-35). Christ had unfailing compassion, so as he did, we too should exercise charity in our own lives.

"I promise to marry my husband in the temple."

Such a simple sentence that means so much. There is no other way for me. A temple marriage means eternal love, eternal life..and most importantly; an eternal family. I am so grateful for the example that my siblings and parents have set for me, I have always wanted to get married in the temple because I know that I want to be with my best friend forever and always. I think about the temple every day, and there is no way I would jeopardize the amazing gift Heavenly Father has given us to be with our families forever.

“Marriage is perhaps the most vital of all the decisions and has the most far-reaching effects, for it has to do not only with the immediate happiness, but eternal joys” 

"Youth should begin today to so order their lives that they will be found worthy at the proper time to go to the House of the Lord and be uplifted and sanctified by the temple ceremony”

I will prepare now because it is worth it.

I define myself and find my beauty in

the light he gives

i'm refined by his divine intentions every day i live

it doesn't matter what the world believes

or what they say that beauty means

it comes from within...

i wanna be beautiful to him.

He's given me his trust

so i'll be strong enough

to run from a dangerous touch

i don't need THAT kind of "love"

i don't need that crutch

He's given me his trust.

I am thankful for the promises that I have made with my Father in Heaven, and that I am a Daughter of God. I know that Christ is the greatest example of "true love", and that the Lord has given me many things to appreciate and love in my life. I know that if I continue to follow the commandments I will be forever blessed with the greatest kind of love--ETERNAL love. I am thankful for this wonderful holiday that has shown me all that I have to be grateful for. I have many things to look forward to....It is worth the wait.

Birthday Extravaganza :)

I am one lucky girl.

I am so blessed and very grateful for the wonderful people in my life.

Today I went to lunch with some of the Hyde girls at a restaurant called La Belle Vie. It is this cute little place in Nampa, and the food was delicious. I experienced creme brulee for the first time. I also got to open gifts from my boyfriend, JJ, who is serving in Peru (in case you didn't know that :)) His family is so great, and I was so happy to be able to chat with them and catch up with the girls. 

My first gift was a cute little scarf :)

I wasn't kidding when I said "little"--LOL!

JJ's mom, Heather :)

Digging into the bag...

A really cool Peruvian bag

My boyfriend knows me all too well
PINK is definitely my favorite color

JJ spoiled me :)

Love my new purse

The Beautiful Hyde girls and me

After lunch, I went and saw my nephew Porter in his basketball game, and then later that evening my sisters and sister in law went and saw The Vow with Channing Tatum and Rachel McAdams. It wasn't as good as I thought it was going to be, but still a good chick flick...even if it did make me miss JJ..but just a little bit :)

^^^^My sisters all were convinced that one of the characters was a less-attractive scrawnier clone of JJ, what do you think?

I'm improving on my envelope decorating skills....

In case he needed a motivational boost... :)

The end of the JJ's email to the family  from this week...especially addressed to me :)

"this next part is for Genny Lynn Gustin. so if your name isnt Genny Lynn Gustin. close your eyes! HA 

Lastly, Happy birthday Genny Lynn Gustin!!!! i know its a day late but its the best i can do. i love you and i am so grateful for your  support. it really help especially when im gettin pegged by water balloons. Anyway hang in there! i love you with all my heart done forget it!

ILY:IASGFYLFM:ICWUTDIBC."

I am one lucky girl.

Untitled.

Three and a half months down. That may not seem like a lot, but its moving fast--I promise. I will be twenty years young in five days. JJ sent a package home from Peru, and there were a few gifts for me, which is like the greatest birthday present EVER. These last few weeks sure have been stressful. Awkward run in with a guy who I dated for 3 years, who is now back from his mission...finally, had closure with him and I feel so much better being able to finally fully move on from that. I put all his letters and our millions of pictures from high school in a big box and had my mom put them in storage..not because I can't move on but because I do want to remember those good times. He was my best friend, he is an amazing person, and I would never talk badly about him...he's just not the man I'm supposed to marry. Ever heard of the song by Garth Brooks titled, "Unanswered Prayers"? Yeah, that about sums things up. 

Life is good. Life is busy. I am working and spending time with the family, I go back to school in a couple of months. I'm not ready to date. I don't have the desire to so I'm not going to waste my time or the time of others. I cant even think about it yet..I'm sure I will go on dates eventually..actually, in all honesty, I don't know if that's true. I don't like thinking about going on dates..it just feels wrong to me. We'll see how I feel once I go back to school..but, you see, its a personal choice. Unlike,some girls writing missionaries, I am not "promised" or "engaged"...I think that is the dumbest thing ever..what does "promised" even mean? I think its selfish and shows insecurities. JJ and I love each other, duh. Isn't that enough? Its so much better this way, its carefree and easy. If I go on a date (IF), I wont feel guilty about it--because there is nothing to feel guilty about. I'm finding joy in the journey. I'm thankful for his letters, and I make sure to write him every week BECAUSE I WANT TO..I love telling him about funny things happening in my life, or about my new calling at church. I love telling him whats going on with my family and my goals. He shares scriptures with me, and helps me to see Peru through his eyes. I don't have to prove anything to anyone else; we know how we feel about each other. Bring on the Dear John stories and the waiter haters--it doesn't affect me. Heavenly Father has a plan for us, whether it is for us to be together or not..but I know that I'm choosing the right path and I am being blessed for that. This is not a hard thing to do..Yes, we're apart PHYSICALLY but I still feel him here through his letters. He is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me..I'm not going to let that go. and I'm definitely not going to forget.

http://vimeo.com/31673669
^^Click on the link above. kk thanks.

This is worth it. I can do it. I love him. 
Watch me prove them all wrong..
That's all there is to it.

My 24 Month Bucket List

I want to accomplish 24 things(at least) before Elder Hyde gets home, so I made a list. I chose the number 24 because there are 24 months in two years..here they are:

1. Learn how to play a church hymn on the piano.
2. Hike the "Y" COMPLETED 8/31/13
3. Take a Spanish class
4. Make a scrapbook with all of JJ's letters and pictures completed 3/2012
5. Ride a roller coaster with both hands in the air completed 3/24/12
6. Help at a homeless shelter
7. Go to the Western Idaho Fair COMPLETED 8/22/12
8. Give to a family in need
9. Introduce someone to the gospel
10. Go on a horseback ride COMPLETED 8/20/13
11. Cannonball into a swimming pool COMPLETED 6/23/12
12. Go to the temple 
13. Visit the ocean, and swim with the fish completed 3/26/12
14. Read the Book of Mormon from cover to cover
15. Make a quilt
16. Become a good cook
17. Get back in shape and feel fit
18. Go to a country concert COMPLETED 6/21/12
19. Donate to a charity organization COMPLETED 12/20/12
20. Go hunting with dad, and actually shoot something COMPLETED 4/12
21. Get a 100 or more in bowling, ha ha ha! COMPLETED: 4/27/12
22. See a shooting star. COMPLETED: 2/23/2012
23. Get straight A's in school
24. Make it onto the news!  COMPLETED 8/4/12

This is my fun little list of To-Do's...some are silly, and some are important to me :)
Time is flying by, folks.