"The Lord's Plan is the BEST plan."

So, basically, Elder Hyde gets home in like 4.5 months.
Is this real life?
This last year has flown by. Everybody told me that the last 12 months were the fastest, but I just rolled my eyes and went to the freezer to devour an entire gallon of ice cream.....if only I were kidding....

Well, turns out, those precious gems knew what they were talking about. However, they haven't been easy. This last year, or eight-ish months, have been the absolute hardest. I have experienced real heartbreak over the death of a dear friend, and a messy break up.

Let us touch base on that second indicator right up there ^^^
Yes, you read right. A break up. I decided to date around, hence the BLAAAAH that has been on my blog lately. Wait, who am I kidding, there has been nothing updated for months. I'm a loser, and completely gave up on the monthly pictures . . .  this was before the "dating" though, I think I just got lazy.

Anyway, so about this guy. Lets refer to him as Ken. As in Barbie and Ken. I don't know, its the first name that popped up in my head, so just go with it.

I met Ken in March. Just like every other night of the week, I was playing pick-up ball (basketball). I had been playing for like, three hours, and had planned leaving an hour earlier so I could go play wall ball. Finally, after winning a million games (baller, status), I took of the Lebrons and decided to leave. As I was leaving, I saw an old friend from high school. Enthusiastically, I ran up to him and gave him a sweaty hug. As he talked to me, all I could do was focus on the boy sitting on the bench behind him. We locked eye contact and continued that as my friend carried on a conversation with me. It was almost like I was mesmerized. I don't even remember what my friend was saying, I dimly remember nodding my head and saying, "really?" "cool". He quickly caught on to what was happening, and said, "Oh, this is my friend Ken."

That night, I got a text from my friend saying, "My friend, Ken, thinks you are cute."
That Saturday we went on a group date, there was an instant connection.
I came home that night, with butterflies in my stomach, I opened the door to my room and was brought back to reality when I saw that my room was completely covered in photos of JJ. On my chair, laid one of his t-shirts that I had worn the night before, a binder full of pictures and letters sat on my desk, the little frog he won me at the fair just on the edge of my bed. I suddenly felt a wave of anxiety and guilt. "What was I doing? and WHY for the first time since JJ had been gone, was I feeling like I "liked" someone?"

We soon became an "item" and spent every day together. It was fast and furious, and I was so confused, that I felt I had to write JJ and tell him what was going on. Instead of the reply I expected, JJ assured me of his love for me, that he wasn't mad, and that he knew everything would work out (short summary, in actuality, the letter was quite amazing.) I felt comfort in the fact that I was honest with both boys, but Ken absolutely hated that I had a missionary, and it led to many fights. MANY.

Slowly, I began to see changes in Ken. He was angry with me often, he started to be extremely insecure which actually made him look conceited. I'm not sure if he changed, or if I did, or if he was just faking the beginning of our relationship. I will never know. . but, we ended on bad terms.

I'm not going to lie, it's extremely difficult to remember someone who has been gone for two years. Most of the time, I feel like I've made JJ up in my head. . .that he's not real, but just a figment of my imagination.

I never expected to have a boyfriend while JJ was gone. I was set on him and only him. Its like when people say, "The moment you stop looking for it, it will find you." Well, four days prior to meeting Ken, I had told myself that I wasn't even going to go on dates--I didn't want to waste anyone's time. Well, less than a week later, Ken abruptly came into my life.

We got along, he made me laugh, he bought me flowers, we had fun together. . . but, in the back of my mind, Peru and a certain missionary kept popping up. I couldn't deny the feelings I had for JJ, and in the end it drove a wedge (amongst other things) between Ken and I.

I was crushed. I hate hurting people, and I know that I hurt him. . . in return, he hurt me as well. It was double wammy. It ended just as fast as it begun. . . . two days later, I received a letter from JJ. One addressed to my mom, and the other to me. I cannot begin to explain the happiness my letter brought me. I shook as I opened the envelope, expecting the worst. . .but inside was the most sincere, sweetest, letter I had ever read. In fact, I read it every single night. I was relieved to find that he still wanted to be with me, he still loved me, and was going to fight for me.

I don't regret dating Ken. Ken taught me a lot about myself, and what I want/dont want in a future spouse. I think that I was almost blinded by the feelings I had for Ken. . .I hadn't felt them in so long that when they came, I was completely mesmerized. I'm not sure what kind of lesson I was supposed to learn from all of this, but I know that someday I will understand.

I'm not 100% positive things will work out with JJ when he gets home. If I learned one thing with Ken, its that a lot can happen in a short amount of time. I still love JJ. I know that many of you are probably thinking, "but how? After having a serious boyfriend?" Its because the feelings I had for JJ never went away, I never stopped thinking about him, and the thought of marrying someone else made me sick. Ken was great, and he would've made a good husband. . . but I don't know if he could have loved me the way that JJ does. I pray that this wait will all be worth it. Because sometimes I feel like my life is almost on hold. . . I think that's why I felt I needed to "feel" something again.

However, I really hope that JJ and I work out. I know that it wasn't just a coincidence that I met JJ and fell in love with him. I am so hopeful. and ANXIOUS to see him in just four short months!

"The Lord's plan, is the best plan."

Don't forget that.