455 days until J gets home
90 days until his year mark
One month until our one year anniversary.
Its crazy to think that it has been nine months since J left on his mission.
I would be lying if I said that every minute passed by fast. The truth is: There have been fast moments, and there are times where it has D R A G G E D.
What is most important, however, is the fact that we are still crazy over each other.
I am so blessed to have such a strong support system from both his family and mine. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have his family on my side, but they have been so nice to me; especially since they didn't know me very well before JJ left on his mission.
Although we didn't date that long before JJ left, I've know him for quite some time.
When I met him he was just a boy figuring out who he was, and now he is such an amazing man.
I really feel blessed to have been apart of his life while he was making that transformation--
a year ago is when things became so different; he was the same boy that I had fallen in love with the summer after I graduated high school..but even better.
I remember the first time I noticed that change. We were in the car, on our first date in an entire year, and a bad song came on the radio; he changed it immediately. He handed me his phone and told me to pick out some music. All of his music was clean, and I noticed that he had a scripture app. on the home screen of his phone. I was impressed, I really could tell that he had a glow about him..and it made me so happy.
I'll never forget those two months we spent together before he left. They were seriously perfect.
We would have the best talks--I learned so much about him and his family. We would say prayers together. We made sure we were choosing the right. And because of those little things; we are both so very happy. As hard as "waiting" is, its worth it. I know he will come back a better man, I know that our love will be even stronger than it was when he left, and I know that we will be blessed.
I have faith. I have faith in him, and I have faith in us. I do miss him more than words can express. I sometimes trick my mind into thinking I don't miss him all that much, and that I am just fine--but, I'm not always that strong...& I have every right to miss him. He is my best friend after all. I feel that this is the right path. With every letter I receive, I become more and more confident. Time will tell--and we will have to see what happens 15 months down the road. But what I do know is..
Today is 7/18/12--just another ordinary day. WRONG!
Today marks 100 days until J's year mark.
He's been gone for 265 days, he comes home in 465.
Where has the time gone?
Well, now--its 95 days.
Life is funny. A year ago, I was in a completely different situation; my life was so different. EVERYTHING was different.
Faith. its a small word, yet it means SO much.
I can't wait to see where the next year and three months take me. take..US.
I'm having faith in us. one day at a time...
I just indulged in the warmest, gooey-est(just go with it), chocolaty, deliciousness. A pazookie.
It is dangerous to post on your blog after being on a complete sugar high, I assure you. But, when an idea or thought pops into my head..its almost as if my fingers are drawn to the keyboard.
Viewers: Do not try this at home. After eating anything as delicious as I just consumed--lock your laptop in a closet. And also, don't weigh yourself immediately after. WORST. DECISION. OF. MY. LIFE.
Anyways, today has been quite the adventurous one. I've learned (okay, I admit it, I've known THIS all along)..that I am a little over-sensitive. & sometimes I like to stay cooped up in my all-too-comfortable little bubble. Let me explain...get ready for a random post..if you can make it til the end. I promise it will be worth the while. Man, I seem to use that phrase all too often..wonder why.... :)
Today, I was on the verge of tears at least eight times. That is no exaggeration. Please, get this girl a tissue. Its like a faucet decided to reside in my eyeballs for the day; turning on and off at the most random moments. First, it started in English--I realized that the semester is coming to a close--first, a wave of sheer panic went through my body..oh hey finals, what's up? Haven't seen you around these here parts for quite awhile. Oh, I have to study? What if all my roommates are going swimming, is it okay to take a rain check? DONT SHAKE YOUR HEAD AT ME! Then I started thinking about packing up my room, and saying bye to these little chicas (& my FHE bros) who have become my best friends..
I could literally make a picture book of all the pictures I have taken this semester. And when I say picture book, I mean novel. Oh quick side note, I did something different with my hair. I tend to do this monthly..just kidding, I was a brunette for seven months--I thought it was about time I change things up. Lets just say, I'm a bit manic this week. weeks. Okay, all the time.
Be honest guys, do you love it?
I'm kidding.
I really did this one though.
It looks better in person.
eyebrows too--tell me you love it.
If J-LO can pull it off,
I think G-LO can too..no?
Alright, here's what I really did. Hopefully these photos wont cause you nightmares like they did to me.
(Specifically picture #2--guy or girl?)
The real deal. it's fun and summery. sorry about the immodesty. 107 degrees in our apartment. No excuse, okay..kind of an excuse.
BUT, enough about that. Let's keep talking about the waterworks, I know you are all so interested in what has caused this emotional breakdown. Newsflash: No cause at all. Just an over-sensitive day. But, let me tell you about the cherry on top.
WATCH THIS-- I GUARANTEE TEARS, I GUARANTEE A BEAUTIFUL LESSON LEARNED.
I am forever changed by this video. I recommend tissues.
I have a strong testimony in the importance of forgiveness. In one of my favorite talks of all time, by Elder Busche--he explained the importance of forgiveness:
"If someone hurts you so much that your feelings seem to choke you, forgive and you will be free again."
This video illustrates quite a severe case of forgiveness, which made me reflect on my own life. Are there people in my life that I need to forgive? Yes. Is it a hard thing to do? YES!! But, like I said, this video impacted me so deeply. Tears flooded my eyes, I looked to my left, I looked to my right--very few were affected like I was. Which could mean two things; 1. drama queen. no, that couldn't be it. 2. they had forgiven all those who had wronged them, or their hearts were so hardened that it was impossible for them to feel the promptings of the Spirit in connection to the miracle of forgiveness.
but, really..REALLY I don't think it was either of those things. I think that the Spirit had allowed me to feel these deep feelings because...I had been covering them up for so long. This strengthened by relationship with Heavenly Father--and I walked home with a large load lifted from my shoulders. Today is the day that I made A REAL attempt to forgive those who have hurt me so deeply that my feelings seem to choke me. The wounds are not completely healed, its a work in progress, but I'm getting there. How can we forgive others? I challenge you to reflect on that question. It doesn't have to be a face-to-face forgiveness, but it needs to come from the deepest corners of your heart--and Heavenly Father knows it isn't easy. but it's worth it.
Just something to think about.
Now let me tell you about my adventure. Still reading? High-five. I'm proud of you. I'm actually a little shocked. And perhaps a little touched; I may or may not be smiling like a fool right now. Stay with me--endure to the end, its almost over. And we're getting to the good part. I can feel the pazookie-high beginning to wear off. Good news for you. Ah, but the fingers still have life to them...adventure time.
Today I jumped off a bridge.I should clarify so I don't get a wave of text messages and calls--I am not suicidal(JJ will come home eventually, I know that. I don't even miss him actually. OKAY THAT'S A BIG FAT LIE). It was a rather small bridge, hmmm well it was wide--but heighth wise, it was pretty small. And, oh yeah, I jumped INTO WATER. Calm down, look at you--you're sweating and pacing, there was water. I'm fine. A little shooken up, but I'm okay. Anyway, It took coaxing. and an adrenaline rush from trying to impress elderly people in a mini-van. Let me elaborate. I'm the FHE mom..lucky me..so let's just say, I like to plan. I help plan (along with my "husband") extravagant FHE activities..Its a "flexible" calling if you will, I quite enjoy it actually.
Not this kind of mom, don't be silly.
More like this type of mom. It's like herding cats 99% of the time
But mostly, I'm like this mom.
It's been an interesting calling. Last night my "son" called me in the middle of my aggressive typing (procrastination, much?) of my research paper--which is due next week (ask me how much I have done..). He said, "Mom, I'm hungry." I explained that it was slim-pickings but I'd round him up some food. He came over promptly, and there I had a grilled cheese sandwich and canned pears to offer him. Son, satisfied. Research paper, still untouched. Its a work in progress.
So, back to the bridge. I jumped. my "children" jumped. We dunked my sweet, innocent, "daughters" who were too afraid to jump off the bridge (can't blame them: I screamed like an angry toddler--not a nice sound) into ice cold water..even though they didn't want their hair messed up.
There you have it, I was able to escape my small little plastic bubble--and take on an adventure. Take "the plunge" if you will(see what I did there?) I should tell you that I only jumped once. And now I'm paying for it, I keep asking my roommates if they hear any ringing noises. They dont. Also, my head feels like I have a bunch of water swimming inside of it--and it feels too large for my body. Other than that, life is great. life is better than great. I learned a few things about myself. Maybe I'll take on another, less terrifying, adventure tomorrow--perhaps, finish my research paper? Alright, that's pushing it.
In the meantime, I think I'll go get another slice of that pazookie. Thanks for tuning in.
No. I'm not talking about JJ..:)
I'm talking about this guy right here:
You see, its quite embarrassing.
I have a small phobia of horses. Before you go thinking I'm some SISSY (because I'm not, thank you very much!) I used to ride horses allll the time, until I got in a really scary situation and decided not to ride from then on. On my 24 month bucket list that I made when JJ left, one of them was to get over my fear of horses. Well, its a work in progress...but I'm getting there.
*10. Get over my fear of horses.*
Its half way crossed off. it will be COMPLETELY crossed off by the time he gets home.
This weekend I went home with my best friend Kaitlin, to Pengrene, Idaho (I'm not even sure how to spell that. . . . .)
we went night swimming in the canal, boating, ate pulled pork sandwiches, played HORSE, stayed up late watching movies, and went on a horseback ride..
