Well, he's home!!!!!!
I'm not going to beat around the bush. . . . it's a lot different than what I expected; in some ways, its even better than I imagined, in other ways. . . well, its an adjustment for both of us.
It's hard for me to fathom the separation anxiety he must be experiencing, parting from Peru and everything he has known for the past 24 months. The selfish part of me wants him to snap back into reality quickly and be 100% positive about us and our future. Like I said, that's the selfish part of me. . . I know that I need to accept that he is going through an adjustment period and I need to be in the shadows for awhile as he continues to figure everything out.
With this being said, I still absolutely love him. I will never deny that, not for a second. Am I confused? a little bit. . . but not because I do not love him. I want to make that 100% clear. I just see that he is worrying, anxious, confused, nervous, and I reciprocate those feelings.
I feel that over the course of these past two years, I have made major changes in my life. I experienced the death of a close friend, a heartbreak when having to decide between my missionary or "ken", receiving a strong confirmation that I had made the right decision, I've been a working, full-time student for a year now, and spiritually I feel that I have grown leaps and bounds.
I really, really, sincerely hope and pray that Jared is my future husband. I've always wanted that. BUT, I also realize that we have to start at square 1 in order to reach that point.
As I have continued to pray about JJ and where this is going, I have received a peaceful confirmation that I will be a wife and a mother. No matter what the outcome is between JJ and I....
Time will tell where this is all headed. I hope this post isn't too disappointing or makes those who are "waiting" fearful of their future with their missionary. However, this IS the hard reality. This is the truth... and as you all know, this is what this blog is about. THE TRUTH.
I wish I could say for certainty what will happen in the future. But only the Lord knows where I am headed.
Those who are waiting, every scenario is different. I have friends who have had their missionary come home, and they are engaged three weeks later.
I'm so happy to have him home. I'm happy to be his girlfriend again. I'm happy to love him. And I'm excited to see where we are headed.
Stay tuned ;)
(We're pretty darn cute, huh?!)
